


maybe that happens when a volcano meets a tornado

by simplyverstappen



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: 2016 Season, Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Lots of Crying, M/M, Nico retiring, Pain, So much angst, god I am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:15:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25843432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplyverstappen/pseuds/simplyverstappen
Summary: For sixteen years, Lewis and Nico have been inseparable - even during their worst moments.
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg
Comments: 30
Kudos: 54





	maybe that happens when a volcano meets a tornado

**Author's Note:**

> I ... was sad and then I wrote this to cope with my own feelings lmao 
> 
> the song which inspired this is 'It Ain't Me' by Selena Gomez & Kygo 
> 
> even though it's sad I hope you'll still read it, all the love friends 💛

“I’m going to retire and move to Ibiza with Vivian and the kids.” 

Nico’s words still hang heavy in the air and Lewis stares at him, pretty sure he just misheard him. He’s kidding, right? He can’t- he won’t-

Their whole lives, they’ve always had each other. Their whole lives, it has always been Lewis and Nico. Nico has been his best friend through all these years and when they’d made it into Formula One together, sharing podiums- Lewis was sure it couldn’t get any better. 

They’ve been together since that one night in Greece, a unity, one never seen without the other and when they became teammates at Mercedes they’ve been so hopeful. So young, so full of hope, with so many dreams and plans for the future. 

They’ve always just had eyes for each other - sure, Lewis dated Nicole as a cover, she knew about it and was fine with it. Nico dated Vivian as a cover. It was for their image, to avoid questions and to keep their relationship safe. 

While Lewis’ relationship with Nicole had been more on-off, rockier, Nico’s with Vivian was more serious - he has always preferred to play the family man. And when she got pregnant- look. 

Lewis knows how toxic the environment in Formula One is. Knows that Nico has always been scared of people finding out that he’s gay. That Lewis and he are a thing. And he has always wanted kids. A family. And most of all, stability. 

All things Lewis couldn’t give him, he knew that. But it had never mattered to them. He loves Nico’s kids as if they’re his own, the girls love him and it has always been Nico and him. 

They’ve never doubted each other even when their relationship got strains during their time as teammates. Even when they fought, shouted at each other, their rivalry slowly taking over their life. 

But none of their fights was even close to the one they’re having right now. 

The one where Nico told him just a few moments ago that he’s going to retire and move to Ibiza with Vivian and the kids. That Lewis has no place in his life anymore. 

“So you’re just leaving me? Us? Everything we’ve built together?!” Lewis stares at him, his throat tight and Nico closes his eyes, a pained expression on his face. “It’s time we grow up, Lewis.” 

Lewis stares at him, the words leaving a bitter taste and he desperately tries not to cry. No. This can’t be it, he needs Nico, Nico needs him- 

“You said we’re going to come out after we both retire, that we’re going to have a family, a future-“ 

“Please, Lewis.” Nico snorts, shaking his head and his blue eyes suddenly filled with an anger Lewis can’t quite place. “You know as well as I that that’s not possible.” 

Lewis stares at him, his words slowly sinking in and Nico runs a hand through his hair. “You think this is easy for me, Lewis? No, but we have to grow up and realise that it can’t work. My children need me, Vivian needs me, I have a responsibility towards them.” 

Lewis stares at him, the lump in his throat so big it actually hurts. He needs Nico as well but he doesn’t say it. He doesn’t have to. 

“So you’re just leaving like a coward? So the last sixteen years mean absolutely nothing to you?!” Lewis doesn’t know when he started raising his voice but he’s so fucking desperate, not recognising the person in front of him anymore and Nico glares at him. 

“There’s no fucking _point_ , Lewis. They will never accept us, will never be happy for us. I’m sick of hiding and I can’t do this anymore- can’t do this to my children.” It’s the first time Lewis hears Nico swear offside the racetrack and he snorts. “So this is it? You got your Championship, you finally beat me and now you’re leaving?!” 

He glares at him, still trying his best not to cry and Nico rolls his eyes, a coldness Lewis never experienced before surrounding him. “You know it’s not like that.” 

“Then what is it, Nico? What?! You’re my fucking life, you can’t just leave, that- we- I love you!” Lewis stares at him, desperation seeping through him - Nico can’t leave. They balance each other out, they’re keeping each other sane and the sheer thought of being alone in the paddock next season makes Lewis want to cry. 

Nico closes his eyes, Lewis saw tears shimmering in his eyes and he takes a shaky breath. 

“Sometimes love is not enough”, he whispers and Lewis feels like he just got punched in the gut. No. No, no, no- 

“I always knew you’re just some fucking spoiled brat”, he manages to say, his voice breaking and he knows he’s lashing out now but he feels so hopeless, so desperate and Nico looks genuinely hurt for a second. 

Lewis hates himself for how good it feels. 

“You should’ve never depended so much on that fucking spoiled brat then”, Nico bites back, the coldness back in his blue eyes. “I’m not your problem anymore.”

Lewis helplessly watches him leave, the sound of the door closing makes him break down completely. 

_Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?_

Nico has always struggled with his mental health. Especially after race weekends his mind didn’t give him a break and it was Lewis who helped him through the mornings. 

Who helped him to deal with it, to get help. To see a therapist about it. 

Lewis, who made breakfast while Nico had been completely worn out, another sleepless night behind him, barely able to stay awake. 

They have had breakfast on their balcony, Lewis making them vegan pancakes while Nico was cuddled on his lap, just watching some videos with Lewis while chatting about everything and nothing. 

Lewis would run his hand through Nico’s blonde fluffy hair, making even more of a mess out of it than it already was and Nico would give him a sleepy smile, half-heartedly protesting before they’d make plans for the day. 

Sometimes they went hiking. Sometimes they took their cars for a drive to Nice. Sometimes they went for lunch and dinner, trying out different restaurants in Monaco. And sometimes they’d meet with a few of the other drivers. 

But at the end of the day, they’d always go home together, either having sex in the hallway, the kitchen, on the sofa or, on the rare occasions they actually made it to the bedroom, on their huge King Size bed. 

They’d always fall asleep in each other’s arms with the knowledge that they’d always have each other. 

And now Nico is going to Ibiza with Vivian. 

Lewis is aware that Nico never loved Vivian the way he loves (or loved) Lewis. He knows that and he doubts anything will ever come close to their love for each other - it’s too unique, to raw, too vulnerable for that. 

But Nico has made his choice and it hurts more than Lewis could’ve ever imagined. 

_Who's gonna rock you when the sun won't let you sleep?_

Nico always has had insomnia as well, his mind rarely letting him sleep. It was Lewis who held him close during those nights and mornings, again running his hand through Nico’s hair, making sure he fell asleep, listening to his even breathing. 

Them just existing in the moment, Nico giving him a sleepy smile while mumbling “I love you, Lew” before cuddling himself closer against his chest and lacing their fingers together. 

Their endless talks and dreams about their future. 

They had wanted to get a house in the English countryside and keeping the apartment in Monaco. Wanted to adopt more dogs and maybe kids. 

They had wanted to travel the world, just the two of them, going to places where no one would recognise them. Where no one would care that they are Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg. 

They had even wanted to go back to Greece to spend a whole summer on their island. 

Nothing of that is going to happen anymore and Lewis is not sure how he’s going to cope with that. His whole life and especially his whole career Nico has been by his side and Nico leaving him just like that leaves a hole Lewis is sure no one could ever fix. 

And he doubts he’ll ever be over it. 

_Who's waking up to drive you home when you're drunk and all alone?_

Lewis gets drunk after their fight, sitting alone in the apartment, downing one vodka shot after the other while crying, curling up on the sofa. He feels pathetic but he also couldn’t care less - the love of his life left him. 

Nico actually broke up with him, telling him to grow up and the pain is so much worse than Lewis could’ve ever imagined. From all the people in his life, he expected Nico to be the last one to ever break his heart and he guesses that is why it hurts even more. 

Roscoe and Coco are watching him confused, nervously running through the room but Lewis doesn’t have the energy to calm them down or pet them. 

His whole life changed in just two hours and he pulls the fluffy blanket over him, hating how much it still smells like Nico - he fell asleep on the sofa just a few weeks ago before they were on their way to Abu Dhabi. 

Lewis had smiled when he walked in, tucking him in before dimming the light and squeezing himself next to him, quietly watching some TV while his hand was running through Nico’s hair, Nico cuddling up to him in his sleep. 

A few weeks ago, everything had still been alright and Lewis chokes back another sob, the empty vodka bottle on the table a reminder for what his life is going to be like now. Empty. Cold. 

Nico has always loved partying and Lewis has loved going with him - there’s nothing funnier than watching Nico trying to sing karaoke. 

Just to torture himself more he fishes for his phone, searching for the video where he filmed Nico singing - or rather shouting - to ‘Livin’ On A Prayer’ when they all went to a bar after a race and the tears are back full force. 

_We've got each other and that's a lot for love_

_We'll give it a shot_

Lewis chokes back a sob when he sees the happy spark in Nico’s eyes when he looks at him while shouting the lines, a small smirk on his lips. 

Lewis watches the video at least twenty times, his heart breaking more and more, remembering the evening so clearly. 

Esteban has been a bit confused but Nico has had so much fun, eventually pulling Lewis up as well to sing before they had danced and fucked in the bathroom later that night. 

They’d taken a cab home in the early morning, the sun rising and they’d spontaneously stopped at the ocean, chasing each other over the beach like little kids in their drunken state, laughing when they fell over each other. 

They’ve done and achieved so much together, celebrated, cried and fought together, throwing things after each other before passionately making out in one of their driver’s rooms and Lewis can’t believe that this is just it. 

That this is supposed to be their end. 

They’re sleeping with each other one last time the night before Nico leaves for Ibiza, Lewis not asking any questions when Nico suddenly shows up in front of his door.

They’re both not saying much but their kisses are desperate, hungry, they’re clinging on to each other as if the other one stops them from drowning and Lewis treasures every second, holding Nico as close as possible. 

The sex is so different from normal; usually, they’re loud, hard, fast. Kinky. 

Tonight they’re soft, quiet, gentle, both just trying to get as much of the other one as possible, Lewis slowly fucking him and it is Nico who breaks down first after his orgasm, crying uncontrollably, burying his head against Lewis’ chest. 

He seems to realise what he’s lost, his grip around Lewis so tight they both knows he’s going to leave bruises. They’re both not saying anything about it. 

Lewis holds him close, brushing a few sweaty strands of Nico’s hair from his forehead and he closes his eyes, the lump in his throat hurting.

He feels empty, numb; Nico has never let him down. Never. 

He could’ve had a sponsoring event, his wedding anniversary, he could have been in fucking Australia but he was there when Lewis called him.

Was there when Lewis needed him. 

Nico has accepted him the way he is, never giving much of a shit about the opinion of other people; never wanted him to change. Loved him just the way he is. 

As much as Lewis cursed Nico in the past sixteen years - he was the best thing that has ever happened to him. As much as Lewis has wanted to kill Nico in the past sixteen years - he also loves him more than anything. 

Nico is asleep by now, there are still dried tear tracks on his cheeks and Lewis breathes in his expensive perfume and just- just Nico’s unique scent, breaking down as well now. 

This will be the last time he gets to hold Nico so close; to have his familiar scent and warmth around, to have him all to himself. 

He can’t hold back the tears anymore, his body is shaking from the silent sobs, holding Nico close against his naked chest, wanting nothing more than to never let him go. 

Whatever they had is gone - tomorrow morning, Nico is going to take a cab to the airport. Meet with Vivian and his children, take a plane to Ibiza. 

For sixteen years, Lewis and Nico have been inseparable - even during their worst moments. Even when Lewis wanted nothing more than to kill his teammate slash boyfriend slash love of his life. 

No matter how much they fought, they’ve always come back to each other. Always made up, knowing they’d be okay. 

But all of that is gone. 

They’d never fall asleep on the sofa again after having sex there, Nico complaining about his back the next morning.

Nico would never surprise him with a self-baked vegan cake again for his birthday, a proud smile on his face while he tries to stop the icing from melting. 

They’d never get to celebrate their wins together again, both drenched in champagne and not able to stop smiling, hugging each other tightly. 

Nico would never fall asleep on his shoulder in the plane again while Lewis is watching a cheesy movie, trying to kill time on their way to Singapore or wherever the next GP is. 

They’d never have breakfast on their balcony again, making plans for the day while gossiping over other drivers and teasing each other. 

Nico would never steal his vegan chocolate again and then blame Roscoe, his blue eyes filled with innocence while trying not to laugh, his nose scrunching and Lewis pretending to be mad. 

Lewis would never be able to propose to Nico as he planned. 

The ring in the closet, waiting there since he broke up with Nicole, feels like a bad joke right now and Lewis buries his face in Nico’s blonde hair, crying silently. 

“Ich liebe dich, Nico.” 

_Who's gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?_

When Lewis wakes up the next morning the side next to him on the bed is empty and cold, the sheets neatly folded and there’s no trace that someone else slept there just a few hours ago. 

Lewis stares at the empty spot next to him, closing his eyes when he feels himself choke up, a cold feeling spreading through him. 

It’s over. 

_It ain't me_

**Author's Note:**

> [this is the video mentioned of Nico singing (yelling?) 'Livin' On A Prayer' x](https://verstappened.tumblr.com/post/625798007110123520/romeorosso-livin-on-a-prayer)
> 
> you can follow me on tumblr @ [verstappened](https://verstappened.tumblr.com/) if you want to come and shout at me lmao 
> 
> Kudos and comments are very appreciated thanksss 💛


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